I was reflecting on a reflection earlier on and I condsidered the word "passion". I was describing my comitment to midwifery and said if I lost the passion then it would be time to leave. The definition of the word passin is "strong powerful emotion like love joy anger and hatred". Well yes, I do love midwifery and it does bring me joy, but can those both be achieved without involving the others? I don't like the other negative word; I don't like me when I am angry or anyone else for that matter and I certainly would not agree that I hate anyone. So do my displays of passion ever come across to others as anger? I hope not. But maybe love and joy and anger and hatred all are interwoven.
I want to expereince the joy of helping women to achieve the best possible childbirth experience. Because it is amazing to see HER joy. I want to feel powerful because I have empowered HER, not that I have claimed power over her. Maybe, just maybe, when that feeling is threatened it makes me feel angry. I can't remember feeling angry but I do remember feeling passionate. Or maybe that is the same thing.